New Year's Resolutions

If you are like me (a total deviant and pervert), you probably make a bunch of kinky resolutions each January that you have no real intention to honor. In that spirit I decided to share my own New Year's swinging resolutions this year in January's "Swingers Corner". If I keep even one of these resolutions, or attain even one of these sexual goals, I'll be surprised.  But who knows?  Miracles do happen.  And I am a man of fucking faith.

Brent Bomber's Top 20 Swinging Resolutions for 2013:

1. Revise the Mayan calendar so that every hot female in North America must fuck me before 12/21/13 in order to save the world and avoid apocalyptic destruction.

2. Make everyone believe the shit I wrote in #1 is actually true.

3. Return to the Playboy Mansion in L.A. for another party with Hef, but this time convince him that I truly am his illegitimate bastard son, and am worthy and deserving of my place on his throne when he finally does croak.

4. Attend just one national swingers or porn star convention where Ron Jeremy is not in attendance.  Like everyone, I love the guy, but damn, that super-fucker is everywhere!

5. Hang-out with Jenna Jameson again when she can at least pretend that she is happy to be wherever she is appearing.

6. Hang-out with Jesse Jane again anywhere, anytime, and put my arm around her tiny waist once more.

7. Not get married and divorced again...in the same year at least.

8. Fuck a hot mother (<40) and a daughter (18>) at the same time, in the same bed, and well...I know there isn't much chance of this shit happening.

9. Be reverse gang-banged by a busload of illegally immigrating Russian and East-European models in exchange for promising them green cards (I'd give them a Swinging Atlanta membership card because they can't read English).

10. Find a penis-enlarging pill that actually works.

11. Help every desperate single male find some pussy so they will leave me the fuck a lone.

12. Find a large "herd" of "unicorns" (single female swingers), so that all the couples looking for them will leave me the fuck alone.

13. Encourage all horny female swingers to drink more heavily so that I will look more attractive in their drunken-ass eyes.

14. Sail on a high-end, luxury swingers cruise where the median age of attendees is under the age of seventy.

15. Marry and divorce Brittany Spears and become know as "B-Bomb" after getting a sevenfigure alimony settlement (ignore resolution #7).

16. Visit another nudist resort filled with mature naked women whose breasts are actually still located above the waist line.

17. Visit another nudist resort filled with mature naked men whose balls are actually still located above the ankles.

18. Fuck all the skanky Hollywood starlets that every guy pretends to hate, yet to whose pics he secretly jerks-off: Paris, Brittany, Christina, Angelina, and Lindsay.

19. Wash all the cum stains off my shorts-and my computer screen.

20. Have an MFM with Rick Santorum and Courtney Love. Then laugh at Rick when I point out I was the only one to use a condom.

Brent Bomber
Jan. 2013